focus

What did I do with my summer? I keep saying its already over because its too close to be considered otherwise. Fuck. Whatever, school is fun stuff, right? I finished 2 of my 3 summer reading books, now I'm on En La Ardiente Oscuridad. Today I try to actually read it, instead of just looking for the answers to the questions. It starts off with a bunch of blind teenagers smoking something. I know they are high, because they start laughing hysterically when someone asks for the time. I could be reading it wrong, after all, I don't know Spanish. If you have a summary of the book, send it to soccerwizard300@yahoo.com. Yeah, I know... I made it when I was like 10, OK. Ahh, stop making fun of me.




I don't normally have dreams, but I've had quite a few during the past few nights. I remember 2 of them.

Dream #1:

I'm having secksual relations with a blonde girl. As usual, I wake up before anything really starts, laying there, a tad tired, embarrased that I actually thought I was getting action, mentally cursing myself, then I start praying to God that I fall asleep and dream again. The last time I prayed for something with that kind of burning intensity and Focus was when I wanted an N64. Using the peripherals, I scope out the time. It was around 10 am. I tried not turning my head, because I thought to myself that the more energy I spend, the least likely I'd be able to you know what with you know who. Fall asleep. Please.

Dream #2:

I'm sitting down in the middle of a grass field. I'm like pulling the grass with my hands but the grass wont rip. And. Yeah, thats about it. When I woke up, I didn't pray to God to return to the dream again, because it sucked balls.

Yes.

This deserves a new post.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/08/fat-belly-shaking.html

Skills.

Here's a Sparknotes summary of a chapter in my book.

"Vardaman states that his mother is a fish."

I love sparknotes.





Oh yeah, here's a brilliant picture of guster from the concert. If you squint your eyes, you can almost see something other than a mess of nothingness...

Skills.

Smile?

"Why were you hitting on a 40 year old woman?" Dennis exclaims, with a tiny hint of jealous beast in his voice. I hold out on explanation... and give Dennis an aerial nudge with my elbow, as to not disturb my humble boss, who is quietly lurking about in the hidden backrooms.

Like life, getting tipped is all about playing the system... Of course I wasn't hitting on her. Dennis just doesn't know how I rollllllllll. Yet. I'll give him like a month to get acclimated to my crafty flow.

I made 15 dollars in tip a few days ago. I just scoop ice cream, and pull levers that secrete ice cream. I didn't know I deserved a tip for that. I'll spare you only a few of my handy tricks that you can use if you ever get a job at an ice cream shop.

Trick 1: Who?
-Basically, the type of person who would most likely give you a tip, are the people you must impress. For example,
-Impress a lovely couple... because the male will most likely try to be Macho as Fuck, and tip the hell out of me to impress the girl.
-Impress the Businessman, because the smallest denomination he has is a twenty dollar bill, and wants to keep it that way.
-Don't impress the ice cream noobs, (the ones that have never been in Carvel, you can usually tell by how they go straight for the menu). The ice cream noobs won't tip you because they are too preoccupied about getting their order correct.
-Don't impress Asian people. They aren't even worth your time.

Trick 2: Placement.
-When you give back change to the customer, you hand the change directly above the tip jar, so they have the natural tendency to just drop what they have. Also, determine the position of the tip jar. The most efficient spot is to put it to the right of the register (this is where their left hand lies)... this is good because most people are righty, therefore they hold the ice cream on their right, and get their change using their left hand.

Trick 3: Smile?
-Young man= Don't smile.
-Young lady= Don't smile, give them the sexy-nod because a smile can intimidate them, especially my smile (so secksiXcoreeeroxorzzshkffaj).
-Old man=Don't smile, he can't even see you.
-Old lady= Smile, they haven't had sex in a while, you can at least smile at them.
-Kids= Don't smile, trends generally dictate that their tipping tendencies are of a sporadic and puzzling nature. Don't bother trying. If they give you money... yay, good for you, go tell your mom about it.

Geoduck

Ok, well. I survived.

I suffered a few minor injuries such as bruising on my left breast and some mild anal splinters. This truck right here collided right into our car after it went out of control against oncoming traffic. Just kidding! I tried to impress you with my clever photography. I'm so cool.






Some of you wish I really died. For you guys, I apologize. To make it up to you, I shall show you a picture of my 10 year old brother when he got wasted from a little too much tequila. He is lying on the shoulder of drunk 16 year old floridian girl. Just kidding. Its my 11 year old brother when he was sleeping on my mom's shoulder after drinking too much Capri Sun.



For those who don't know, I visited Florida recently because my parents wanted to look at houses. They want to move out of this place. But they didn't find a house, so Yay. I'm definitely staying here till I'm at least done with high school. With that said, I have something cool to show you. I got this badassmotherfucker today when I cracked open my cookie.

Also, my friend Annie introduced me to a new species today. Its called the Geoduck.

We're gonna hunt them after we're done conquering our summer reading books. I don't want to be preoccupied with the lingering itch of scholastic duties while I'm trying to hunt geoduck.