it's been a while
Holy crap. Its been almost a year since my last update. You can thank Ashu, among a few other loyal fans, for this update. Who am I kidding, you can thank Ashu, my only fan, for this update. My life didn't get any more interesting. I believe I peaked in coolness, circa junior year. I just experienced a semester of college and I didn't get any cooler. I guess I should start off with that then. For all the noobs of my blog... my past blogs are probably of higher quality and you should check them out.
Anyway, these past few months I've been at Rutgers. It's pretty cute, on our first day, we were handed a first aid kit. To my surprise, the kit included everything a college student will probably ever need. A band-aid and a condom. The band-aid is probably for the people that cut themselves try to open the condom. The condom could be used for other things as well.
Anyway,I'm on busch campus, more specifically Mattia Hall. It's a traditionally Indian building and it still kinda is. My floor consists of about 64 people and there are only 12 girls. Our bathroom is a shithole because it consists of 4 stalls, 4 showers, and one janitor. I'll describe only several of my bathroom experiences.
So I walk in the bathroom with nothing but my towel and toiletries.
Pretty sexy right?
Wrong. Not sexy. Not today at least. I walk into a stall to take a quick piss before I venture into one of the shower stalls. And I what I see is what seems to be an explosion of shit, basically covering everything except the toilet. The wall, the floor, and sides of the stall. And it smelled GOOD. Well, good compared to the smell of poop.
I'm kinda standing there, admiring it all, formulating theories, rationalizing the impossible, soaking it in, and feeling alive. I take a shower, feeling dirtier than ever for enjoying the smell of shit, especially shit of that magnitude and severity. As I showered, I thought of the possible positions it probably took to violently squirt shit in such a productive and massive way.
Upon further investigation, I soon find out it was just a fellow friend of mine's vomit after eating a good amount of chocolate cake and cheap vodka. But thats besides the point. Soon after, I realize that occurrences like these are all too normal.
Another time, I see all this commotion happening around the boys bathroom area. I look in, and theres a bunch of people crowded together, telling each other to shutup. So this kid on our floor and some random chick are banging in the handicap stall. And as my roommate would put it, "why would they have a handicap shower stall on the fourth floor of the building?" Of course, that was the first question racing in my mind. The second question running through my mind was, hm, is my laundry done? I then promised myself that I'll check soon. Then I bring my attention to the matter at hand. Two people banging in one of the four shower stalls. We are all just standing there, listening to the sounds of sex. Most of us have never experienced live sex, or sex sounds for that matter. Anyway, we're all kind of pissed because none of us really know the kid at all. Another reason could stem from slight jealousy. So as a bunch of dicks, we all just stand there and wait for them to finish. They get out of the shower stall, and so began the most awkward few seconds of this poor kid's life. 12 or so pissed off dudes staring you down, as you walk out of a shower stall with an ugly ass chick, walking barefoot across the dirtiest bathroom floor known to mankind... hm, how is the floor so dirty if they clean it everyday?... well, one day,
I'm walking through the bathroom, right, and it smells a tiny bit shittier than usual. I'm thinking eh, whatever, its a bathroom. I look at the floor, and I'm like, dang, the floor is darker than usual. An eyewitness tells me that some kid clogged the toilet... and freaked out so he kept flushing it. The poor kid watched the toilet overflow and when he found out he was being watched, he ran out of the bathroom. What use is running out of the bathroom? If he ran fast enough, maybe there was a chance he could travel back in time and maybe not use so much toilet paper. But why would you run out of the bathroom. If it was me, I would've shared a good laugh with the eyewitness of my mess. Poor kid. There were shreds of shit beautifully scattered across the floor, as if it were some intricate design of expensive tile. I found out who it was and I love the dude, so I wont mention names. Anyway, numerous people in my dorm go to the bathroom daily without any flip flops.
More seriously, I'll talk about Rutgers in general.
One thing about Rutgers that I noticed is that it is very diverse, moreso than I thought. On my floor, I have chinese, korean, filipino, colombian, egyptian, indian, sri lankan, jewish(I know its not a nationality), white (many different flavors of white people), african american, and probably other types of people. I think it's really awesome. What I love is that when I have problem with calc homework, at least 4 people are so bored that they end up doing my homework for me, out of sheer pleasure. My GPA is only ok. Pharmacy isn't too hard, you just have to stay on schedule in terms of work and you'll be fine. I locked myself in the quiet lounge for the week of finals just so I can redeem myself for the stupid shit I did throughout the year. I would spend days at a time not opening books or reading through notes. Bad Idea.
I would play pool a few hours a day. I thought to myself that it would be amazing if even only a few kids on my floor played pool. You know, people I would call up to play a game with once in a while. Well, I kinda lucked out. Not just a few people play, but Everyone on my floor plays pool. Everyone except, ironically, my roommate...oh yea, and a bunch of girls. They don't even matter anyway. By the way, my roommate is the fucking man. Just putting that out there.
Anyway, as for Rutgers football, the first few games were pretty exciting to go to. As the season went on, and as we began to suck even more, it was blahh. But the south florida game was pretty sick. We rushed the field after beating the team ranked number 2 in the nation at the time. So we all get home, pretty excited. But I end up finding out that my bio lab report was due the next morning... 8 40 in the morning to be specific. When I got home from the game, it was 12 ish. Oh god. I finished, at around 7 30 in the morning, passed out till 8 40, sprinted half awake to my lab class with my 13 page beast of a lab report. Oh man, it was glorious.
Here's a sexy picture.
People looked at me funny when I was holding the camera for that picture. Probably not as awkward as my Halloween costume this year.
I got so much action that night.
The people I live with are beginning to learn that I have no shame.
However, there was this one time. I was talking to a couple of guys in my room. This incident occurred during one of the first few days. It was a chill environment, so I decided to be bold and make a smartass comment. I tried to be cool by making fun of people in the parking lot.
"Oh man, there are these people in the parking lot, they fricken play the same 3 gay songs over and over." I then proceed to imitate the song in the most obnoxious voice ever. I finished off my rant with a few more smartass remarks... It felt good, I got a few good laughs across the room. Success, I told myself in my head. I mean, its everyone's goal to impress people you first meet. You know, making a good impression on the people you will see everyday. Well, someone wasn't laughing.
"That's my music dawg.." He smiled...I was so scared I let out a small soundless fart. Just when I thought I was shameless... It was a fart of shame. He lives next door and the song traveled through my open window. The best part though was my pathetic attempt to make up for it. I kept talking about how I really like the songs and stuff. Shit happens, people have been through worse... Like Ankur. Just in case you haven't seen it yet.
He hates me for posting that video. All the Indians in the dorm have seen it.
Umm, what else. Ahh, the food in Busch is good. This is one of the fortune cookies I got.
Ahh, this was last thanksgiving. I spent my sober day hanging out with drunk people at my boy Kenny's house.
Um, I guess thats it. I probably won't update for another year or so.
Anyway, these past few months I've been at Rutgers. It's pretty cute, on our first day, we were handed a first aid kit. To my surprise, the kit included everything a college student will probably ever need. A band-aid and a condom. The band-aid is probably for the people that cut themselves try to open the condom. The condom could be used for other things as well.
Anyway,I'm on busch campus, more specifically Mattia Hall. It's a traditionally Indian building and it still kinda is. My floor consists of about 64 people and there are only 12 girls. Our bathroom is a shithole because it consists of 4 stalls, 4 showers, and one janitor. I'll describe only several of my bathroom experiences.
So I walk in the bathroom with nothing but my towel and toiletries.
Pretty sexy right?
Wrong. Not sexy. Not today at least. I walk into a stall to take a quick piss before I venture into one of the shower stalls. And I what I see is what seems to be an explosion of shit, basically covering everything except the toilet. The wall, the floor, and sides of the stall. And it smelled GOOD. Well, good compared to the smell of poop.
I'm kinda standing there, admiring it all, formulating theories, rationalizing the impossible, soaking it in, and feeling alive. I take a shower, feeling dirtier than ever for enjoying the smell of shit, especially shit of that magnitude and severity. As I showered, I thought of the possible positions it probably took to violently squirt shit in such a productive and massive way.
Upon further investigation, I soon find out it was just a fellow friend of mine's vomit after eating a good amount of chocolate cake and cheap vodka. But thats besides the point. Soon after, I realize that occurrences like these are all too normal.
Another time, I see all this commotion happening around the boys bathroom area. I look in, and theres a bunch of people crowded together, telling each other to shutup. So this kid on our floor and some random chick are banging in the handicap stall. And as my roommate would put it, "why would they have a handicap shower stall on the fourth floor of the building?" Of course, that was the first question racing in my mind. The second question running through my mind was, hm, is my laundry done? I then promised myself that I'll check soon. Then I bring my attention to the matter at hand. Two people banging in one of the four shower stalls. We are all just standing there, listening to the sounds of sex. Most of us have never experienced live sex, or sex sounds for that matter. Anyway, we're all kind of pissed because none of us really know the kid at all. Another reason could stem from slight jealousy. So as a bunch of dicks, we all just stand there and wait for them to finish. They get out of the shower stall, and so began the most awkward few seconds of this poor kid's life. 12 or so pissed off dudes staring you down, as you walk out of a shower stall with an ugly ass chick, walking barefoot across the dirtiest bathroom floor known to mankind... hm, how is the floor so dirty if they clean it everyday?... well, one day,
I'm walking through the bathroom, right, and it smells a tiny bit shittier than usual. I'm thinking eh, whatever, its a bathroom. I look at the floor, and I'm like, dang, the floor is darker than usual. An eyewitness tells me that some kid clogged the toilet... and freaked out so he kept flushing it. The poor kid watched the toilet overflow and when he found out he was being watched, he ran out of the bathroom. What use is running out of the bathroom? If he ran fast enough, maybe there was a chance he could travel back in time and maybe not use so much toilet paper. But why would you run out of the bathroom. If it was me, I would've shared a good laugh with the eyewitness of my mess. Poor kid. There were shreds of shit beautifully scattered across the floor, as if it were some intricate design of expensive tile. I found out who it was and I love the dude, so I wont mention names. Anyway, numerous people in my dorm go to the bathroom daily without any flip flops.
More seriously, I'll talk about Rutgers in general.
One thing about Rutgers that I noticed is that it is very diverse, moreso than I thought. On my floor, I have chinese, korean, filipino, colombian, egyptian, indian, sri lankan, jewish(I know its not a nationality), white (many different flavors of white people), african american, and probably other types of people. I think it's really awesome. What I love is that when I have problem with calc homework, at least 4 people are so bored that they end up doing my homework for me, out of sheer pleasure. My GPA is only ok. Pharmacy isn't too hard, you just have to stay on schedule in terms of work and you'll be fine. I locked myself in the quiet lounge for the week of finals just so I can redeem myself for the stupid shit I did throughout the year. I would spend days at a time not opening books or reading through notes. Bad Idea.
I would play pool a few hours a day. I thought to myself that it would be amazing if even only a few kids on my floor played pool. You know, people I would call up to play a game with once in a while. Well, I kinda lucked out. Not just a few people play, but Everyone on my floor plays pool. Everyone except, ironically, my roommate...oh yea, and a bunch of girls. They don't even matter anyway. By the way, my roommate is the fucking man. Just putting that out there.
Anyway, as for Rutgers football, the first few games were pretty exciting to go to. As the season went on, and as we began to suck even more, it was blahh. But the south florida game was pretty sick. We rushed the field after beating the team ranked number 2 in the nation at the time. So we all get home, pretty excited. But I end up finding out that my bio lab report was due the next morning... 8 40 in the morning to be specific. When I got home from the game, it was 12 ish. Oh god. I finished, at around 7 30 in the morning, passed out till 8 40, sprinted half awake to my lab class with my 13 page beast of a lab report. Oh man, it was glorious.
Here's a sexy picture.
People looked at me funny when I was holding the camera for that picture. Probably not as awkward as my Halloween costume this year.
I got so much action that night.
The people I live with are beginning to learn that I have no shame.
However, there was this one time. I was talking to a couple of guys in my room. This incident occurred during one of the first few days. It was a chill environment, so I decided to be bold and make a smartass comment. I tried to be cool by making fun of people in the parking lot.
"Oh man, there are these people in the parking lot, they fricken play the same 3 gay songs over and over." I then proceed to imitate the song in the most obnoxious voice ever. I finished off my rant with a few more smartass remarks... It felt good, I got a few good laughs across the room. Success, I told myself in my head. I mean, its everyone's goal to impress people you first meet. You know, making a good impression on the people you will see everyday. Well, someone wasn't laughing.
"That's my music dawg.." He smiled...I was so scared I let out a small soundless fart. Just when I thought I was shameless... It was a fart of shame. He lives next door and the song traveled through my open window. The best part though was my pathetic attempt to make up for it. I kept talking about how I really like the songs and stuff. Shit happens, people have been through worse... Like Ankur. Just in case you haven't seen it yet.
He hates me for posting that video. All the Indians in the dorm have seen it.
Umm, what else. Ahh, the food in Busch is good. This is one of the fortune cookies I got.
Ahh, this was last thanksgiving. I spent my sober day hanging out with drunk people at my boy Kenny's house.
Um, I guess thats it. I probably won't update for another year or so.
posted by AtaraxiaXVI at 8:53 PM
2 Comments:
awww
i <3 j dubbz
haha that was probably the funniest shit i have read in the longest time.
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