Jolly

I ate 7 hot dogs today. I feel like such a waste. I also had a large coffee milkshake in carvel for my breakfast. Somewhere in between, I also had a few whipped-cream shots, coated with chocolate sprinkles.

Last time I checked, I was around 190-195 ish. I wonder if I broke the 200 mark yet. I would check, but my scale doesnt work.

Its probably good that I gain weight... for various reasons.

(no specific order)

1. I would be able to use my fat to warm myself during lonely winter nights.

2. I could disguise my ripples of fat on my stomach as muscle definition.

3. Increases the probabilty of living if I get shot by a sniper.

4. Provides cushion to my future sexual partner.

5. I can wear the clothes my mom bought for me a few years back, when she said, "These will fit in a few years."

6. The fatter I am, the more soap you could potentially make out of me. Not that I would let you make soap out of my body fat, but its comforting to know that if I were to choose to make soap out of my fat, I could make a decent amount.

7. Why gain weight??? So I can lose it.

8. So my little brother can sit in the shade that I create when I block the sunlight from hitting the Earth.

9. Fatter people tend to be more jolly.

10. I would be pursued by many ugly people. And ugly people take up the majority of the United States, thus increasing my chances of getting laid thricefold.